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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26575807">not a father</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/blametheone/pseuds/the-bi-sokka-club'>the-bi-sokka-club (blametheone)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Birth, Character Death, Description of Birth, F/M, Father Figures, Fatherhood, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Light Angst, M/M, Memories, Multi, Sad, THE FIC, anyway, bato centric fic, bato is a CO PARENT and CO HUSBAND and you cannot convince me otherwise, feel like that needs to be a trigger warning of its own, here have some bato feels, im just having a DAY, kya's specifically, tag the fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:34:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26575807</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/blametheone/pseuds/the-bi-sokka-club</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You won't understand, you're not a father."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bato/Hakoda (Avatar), Hakoda/Kya (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>146</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>not a father</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You won’t understand, you’re not a father.”</p><p>Bato raised his chin, the words hitting him like a punch to the gut.</p><p> </p><p>~*~</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Kya,” Hakoda whispered, cheek mushed against his fist, all teenage temper and well-deserved pouts.</p><p>Bato had been waiting, anxiously, ever since Hakoda’s father took him out fishing an hour ago. He was a good five-minute wander inland from the village, knees to his chest, and when Hakoda had arrived – knowing exactly where to go – with a glower and a sigh, Bato knew. He knew the nature of the news that had been coming, they both did. He knew that Hakoda’s parents had been in conversation with the village shaman, and that there had been meetings with other parents of teenagers their age in the past few weeks.</p><p>Hakoda didn’t have to say any of the painful words, they both knew them.</p><p>
  <em>My parents have arranged the marriage.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The wedding will be as soon as possible.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We’re expected to have kids as soon as we can.</em>
</p><p>Bato wasn’t surprised that it was Kya. There weren’t a great deal of options for their age, most of the other ‘kids’ in the village were either older or younger than them. Hakoda’s options for wives were limited, to say the least, and Kya had been a close friend since the three of them were toddlers.</p><p>“Kya’s good,” Bato shifted his weight to nudge Hakoda’s shoulder.</p><p>Hakoda just huffed, still looking away. Bato swallowed his feelings and pulled at Hakoda’s shoulders until he gave in and let Bato hug him. He pushed his nose into Hakoda’s neck and smiled when Hakoda yelped from the sudden cold of it.</p><p>Hakoda leant back into the embrace with a deep sigh, eyes squeezed shut and eyebrows drawn.</p><p>Bato knew what he was thinking.</p><p>
  <em>Kya’s not what I want.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kya being good or bad is not the problem.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kya’s not you.</em>
</p><p>But there was no point saying it out loud. They both knew this was coming. This, this very situation, and the inevitability of it, this was the reason they had never told anyone – except Kya, ironically – about them. Why they hadn’t bothered to fight it when the others in the village commented when they were of marrying age. Why Bato had come up with fake excuses to avoid marriage at all.</p><p>They didn’t get what they wanted, they only got second best.</p><p>“Maybe we could run away,” Hakoda mumbled, but he didn’t mean a word of it. “Do you think anyone would care?”</p><p>Bato smirked at him and hugged him tighter.</p><p>“I think they would,” he nodded, and poked Hakoda’s side. “What’s going on in that head?”</p><p>Hakoda didn’t speak for a moment, just hugged his knees and stared out over the white expanse ahead of them.</p><p>“I don’t want to lose you over this,” he finally breathed. Bato’s heart broke in a way he hadn’t prepared for.</p><p>He had spent an hour waiting for Hakoda, pre-emptively putting little bandages over his heart to hold it together, to protect it against the inevitable. But he didn’t have a bandage to protect against the awful crack in Hakoda’s voice when he spoke, or the way he hid his face away again.</p><p>“We’ll be fine…” Bato assured, maybe not just to convince Hakoda. “I promise.”</p><p>He hugged Hakoda’s shoulders tighter and pushed down all of the feelings threatening to surface.</p><p>“Why don’t you just talk to Kya?” Bato mumbled softly. “It’s not like she’s in love with you, I’m sure she’d be open to both of you having lives outside of your marriage.”</p><p>“It’s not about if I’m allowed to,” Hakoda raised his hands. “It’s about if I’ll have time to take care of you while I’m pretending to be a husband and trying to be a father!”</p><p>Hakoda made a groaning sound and fell back against Bato, leaning his weight against Bato’s chest.</p><p>“I don’t want to be a father…” he grumbled, cuddling in.</p><p>Bato smiled.</p><p>“You’ll be fine,” he kissed Hakoda’s forehead. “Kya’s going to be a great mom, and I’ll be there to help out.”</p><p>“You will?”</p><p>Bato nodded, pushing his face into Hakoda’s hair.</p><p>“I will. Promise.”</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>~*~</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry!” Bato yelled, hopping on one foot to avoid tripping up on the arctic hen that clucked its way into his path, picking up his speed again as soon as possible.</p><p>He could hear Kya all the way from here, halfway across the village, shrieking like nothing else. It was painful to hear, knowing his best friend was in such an unimaginable amount of pain, and knowing that he had been so far away when her water broke, despite his promise to be there with her.</p><p>In his defence, he was hunting, and she was eleven days early, but it didn’t make it any easier to know that he had broken his promise.</p><p>Hakoda and Kya’s house came into view and Bato put his ridiculously long legs to use, barrelling towards the front entrance as he heard Kya scream again.</p><p>He fell in through the door and nearly fell over from the force he was carrying with him, turning abruptly into one of the side rooms and hesitating in the doorway, panting.</p><p>Kya was kneeling, hands splayed on the ground and head hung low and Bato could see her entire body heaving with her heavy breaths. Hakoda was sitting beside her, hand on her back, while Kanna sat in front of her, dabbing her forehead with a cloth and resting her hand against her daughter’s belly.</p><p>All three heads turned when Bato appeared, although Kya was hit with another contraction and cried out, head hanging again.</p><p>Hakoda looked panicked, and Kanna waved Bato over.</p><p>“Come here, I need your help,” she instructed. “Hakoda’s too scared.”</p><p>Hakoda looked like he wanted to argue but didn’t have the strength, and he focused his attention on Kya instead while Kanna stood to guide Bato as she needed.</p><p>“She’s only been in labour for a few hours, but I think the little one is due any minute now,” Kanna instructed. “Kya, we need to move into a different position, love.”</p><p>Kya cried out again, shaking her head fervently. When the contraction passed she craned her neck to look at Bato, hair stuck to her forehead with sweat and her entire face a bright red.</p><p>She reached out a hand to him and Bato leaned forward, only for Kya to grip the collar of his jacket and pull him down with a strength he wasn’t aware she possessed, face constricting with something that resembled pure rage.</p><p>“<em>Kill</em>. <em>Hakoda</em>,” she growled, only letting go when another pain hit her, and her head went back as she cried out. Hakoda didn’t appear the slightest bit fussed by her words, taking her hand into his own and continuing to rub her back.</p><p>“Don’t listen to her,” Kanna lifted Bato up and waved a hand at her daughter. “In a few hours she’ll be filled with baby-love and she’ll want another one all over again. For now, we need to move her onto her back, and then I’ve got a special job for you.”</p><p>Kya gasped and turned her head. “I’m going on my back?”</p><p>Kanna nodded. “It’s time, baby. His little head has gone as far as gravity can take him, it’s time for you to do some work.”</p><p>Kya started shaking her head half-heartedly, a mix of cries and sobs, and Hakoda looked like he was about to burst into tears himself.</p><p>Kanna dictated where Hakoda and Bato were to sit, helping softly lay Kya down on her back while her mother slipped a folded blanket under her head. Kya whispered to Bato again, asking the same thing, and he couldn’t help but chuckle a bit and whisper back ‘no worries’ as he helped her lay against the blanket.</p><p>“Bato,” Kanna took his hands and put them on Kya’s belly, gently moving them to the lower side of her bump. “Here, feel that?”</p><p>Kya cried out, screaming even louder than before, one leg kicking up as she yanked on Hakoda’s hands, and Bato felt the skin under his hand move with her pain.</p><p>He looked up at Kanna in shock and the old woman just winked and murmured something along the lines of ‘cool, right?’, as she shuffled down to the centre of the action.</p><p>“Bato, that feeling is her muscles contracting, and I need you to tell me when you feel it,” Kanna instructed. “Kya, love, you need to do the breathing and pushing we spoke about earlier.”</p><p>“Only if Hakoda promises to castrate himself,” Kya grumbled, and Bato snickered under his breath.</p><p>Kanna grinned and nodded to her son-in-law, “You heard the lady.”</p><p>Hakoda barely spared a breath to snort, focusing entirely on Kya, and Bato could see the guilt and worry that plagued his features. Kya could ask for anything she wanted and Hakoda would do it for her, probably up to and including castrating himself.</p><p>Kya, apparently a lucky woman according to Kanna, only pushed for fourty minutes before Bato heard Kanna make a soft gasp and reached forward to pluck an honest-to-goodness child out of her.</p><p>Once the head was out, the rest of the baby slipped out afterwards, and Bato watched in something halfway between horror and awe as this tiny screaming bag of wrinkles and wiggles appeared suddenly in Kanna’s arms. The baby was purple, covered in gunk and didn’t really even look all that much like a human baby.</p><p>And then the tiny mouth open and a crackling cry came out of it, and Kya had tears streaming down her face as she reached out towards the sound.</p><p>It was a quick flurry that Kya barely noticed; Hakoda being instructed to wash a towel in the boiling water sitting on the stove, and to ring it out until it was just warm and damp, Bato told to push at the spot his hand was sitting on, and he wasn’t sure why until he saw a horrifying rush of blood and something solid that Kya apparently didn’t even feel.</p><p>Hakoda nearly tripped over his own feet when he returned, bowled over by the spectacle, and Kanna laughed loudly as she cleared away the mess and gently explained what the word ‘placenta’ meant.</p><p>Kya was so wrapped up in her baby to notice any of them, her eyes half-lidded as the baby cuddled against her chest, and she was gently cooing to him, oblivious to the world.</p><p>Kanna took the towel from Hakoda and interrupted them, wiping at the baby’s face and body, clearing off Kya’s chest while she did so.</p><p>“It’s a boy,” Kanna announced as she cleaned them both. “Ten fingers, ten toes.”</p><p>Bato watched Hakoda’s face as it dawned on him, and he watched all of the guilt and worry be replaced by excitement and pride as he dove down next to Kya’s side, taking in the image of his son for the first time.</p><p>“Bato,” Kanna wrapped her fingers around his arm, “Join me. We’ll give the new parents some peace.”</p><p>He hesitated, a pang in his chest as he realised he did not, in fact, have any real reason to be here for this part.</p><p>So, he followed Kanna, helping her carry the armfuls of towels and blankets due for cleaning, and left Hakoda and Kya to welcome their baby into the world.</p><p>When he finally broke from Kanna and her mountain of towels to sit down, he had only a brief minute to contemplate going to sleep when his thoughts were interrupted.</p><p>“Hey,” Hakoda’s voice shocked Bato, and his figure appeared in the doorway, holding a pale blue bundle in his arms. “Someone wanted to say hi.”</p><p>Bato stood before he realised he was moving, and Hakoda turned his body so that the baby was facing him. Bato’s mouth dropped open a little as he watched the baby wriggle, making a soft noise and poking an arm out of the blanket.</p><p>He reached forward and placed a hand on Hakoda’s arm.</p><p>“He’s so tiny,” Bato whispered, because he was. He was so small, and his eyes weren’t open, and his nose was more like a little bump with nostrils.</p><p>Hakoda grinned and nodded to the bed, moving the three of them to sit down on it.</p><p>“Here,” he shifted his position, softly moving the baby into Bato’s arms, “Sokka, meet Bato.”</p><p>Bato took the baby’s weight, and cradled him gently while Hakoda slipped his arms out, brushing the fine hair’s on Sokka’s head.</p><p>The colours beaming through the doorway caught Bato’s eye and he smiled gently, running a finger along the newborn’s cheek.</p><p>“Good morning, Sokka,” he whispered.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>~*~</p><p> </p><p>“Watch! Watch!” Katara screeched, a giggle shrieking out of her as she rushed past Bato’s legs. He couldn’t help but laugh at her – full of that kind of energy only a three-year-old could possess – as she attempted what he’s pretty sure was meant to be a handstand but ended up being a kind of flop-in-the-snow motion.</p><p>“Good try, ‘Tara!” he encouraged, and watched as her little face came into a pout.</p><p>“I did it!” she insisted, rolling into a sitting position and waving her arms about.</p><p>Katara’s fists came down against the snow and everything moved in slow motion for just a moment as Bato watched. A tiny crack formed in the ice under Katara’s fist, spreading up the side of the house behind them, up towards the rooftop.</p><p>Bato dove forward and scooped Katara into his grip, rolling them to the side as a mound of snow fell from the awning above the doorway to the igloo, right where Katara had been sitting.</p><p>Three women were standing a small way away from them, and as they started moving closer to assess the commotion Bato took the briefest moment to glance at the crack that had formed – trying to convince himself out of his first instincts. But his instincts were right – it wasn’t a natural break, it was a thin crack that shouldn’t have moved so far upwards, shouldn’t have happened at all. Cracks like that didn’t form on ice this thick, in this weather, not from the fist of a three-year-old.</p><p>There was one single conclusion about how the crack had formed and who had put it there and it was starting to make Bato dizzy.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Bato asked the toddler on his chest, and Katara had a face that probably matched his. She nodded clumsily, just as confused and shocked as he was by the sudden onslaught of snow.</p><p>He steadied himself and stood as Tanaraq rushed over, hand to her heart, a couple of the other women lingering nearby.</p><p>“Are you guys okay?” the woman worried. “All that snow really came out of nowhere!”</p><p>“Yeah…” Bato looked up at the roof for a brief moment and back to Tanaraq, rubbing Katara’s back. “Bird must have knocked it loose.”</p><p>Tanaraq nodded, and gently pat his arm in compassion before rejoining the other women with assurance that everyone was safe.</p><p>Bato turned Katara in his arms and she looked up at him, eyes so wide and blue.</p><p>“I didn’t see a bird,” she mumbled, pushing her face back into his collar.</p><p>Bato hummed.</p><p>He hadn’t seen a bird either.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>~*~</p><p> </p><p>He shouldn’t be here.</p><p>He shouldn’t have left the house, left the kids, left Hakoda. Not now. Not when they needed him.</p><p>But he couldn’t stand being in that house anymore, he couldn’t stand how normal it looked. He couldn’t stand that it looked the same, smelled the same, felt the same because it wasn’t. His skin felt like it was crawling every time he even looked at it, like Kya was trying to slip into his bones every time he ventured anywhere near the entrance.</p><p>Every time he gave his brain even an inch of space to think, it all rushed back like a flickering show of memories – Kya, in the entryway; Katara standing catatonic with her mother’s necklace in her hands; Hakoda’s hands stained with Kya’s, some soldier’s, and his own blood, knuckles white and palms splintered from twisting the spear in his hands so tightly.</p><p>And Hakoda was a wreck – he hadn’t spoken to anyone in days, hadn’t moved from his spot in the back room, hadn’t eaten. Bato had taken up the mantle. He was feeding the kids and tucking them into bed, taking care of the tribe, answering everyone’s questions, shouldering everyone’s pain.</p><p>He was going to go back. He was going to go back to his house tonight, and hopefully have enough rest to be up in the morning for the kids. He was going to go back, but for the next few hours he couldn’t shoulder the pain.</p><p>He had hiked out, not too far but far enough that he couldn’t hear the village anymore. To their spot, the high shelf where you could watch the sun go down and light up the sea. The spot where Hakoda had made his promises about being there for him no matter what and where Kya had never been, and couldn’t chase him here.</p><p>Kya had been gone for three days and he hadn’t had the chance to cry yet.</p><p>His best friend was dead.</p><p>The sun was lowering, filling everything with a yellow-orange light, glinting off the snow in ways that blinded Bato exactly like he wanted it too.</p><p>He didn’t realise he was crying until the tears made audible sounds against his parka sleeve.</p><p>His best friend was dead and he was never going to see her again. Taken at twenty-six, with two young children and a husband left behind, untethered and angry.</p><p>There was a rage, deep inside of him, pushed down to the furthest reaches lest it come out in the wrong moment.</p><p>But Bato reached within himself and pulled it out, tossing the nearest rock as far as it could possibly go, a visceral scream ripping its way out of his throat.</p><p>And when he was knelt in the snow, tears flowing freely and screams and curses spewing out of his mouth, he heard it. A tiny shuffle from behind him, and a short little sniffle.</p><p>Bato sat up suddenly, shocked out of his skin, and turned.</p><p>He was surrounded by ice mounds, mostly, the source of the sound had hidden behind one of them, but it was hard to hide the sleeve of a bright-blue parka in a white landscape.</p><p>“Sokka?”</p><p>At the sound of his name, Sokka’s head peeped around the ice, eyes red and puffy and arms clenched around himself. It broke Bato’s heart in a whole new different way.</p><p>“Sokka,” Bato stood from the snow and stepped forward, wiping his eyes, “I didn’t see you there. What are you doing out here?”</p><p>The boy didn’t need to answer, Bato knew what was happening. It wasn’t hard for anyone to figure out that Sokka had attached himself to Bato in the wake of his mother’s death – Hakoda had checked out, and in his distance the kids had attached themselves to the closest parental figure they could find. Katara had been spending most of her time curled up in Kanna’s lap, and Sokka had been shadowing Bato like a lost puppy.</p><p>Sokka ignored the question, fiddling with his toes in the snow.</p><p>“Are you sad?”</p><p>Bato felt something pulled out of his chest, and his eyes filled with tears. He beckoned Sokka towards him and took the boy into his arms, rubbing the shaved hair on the back of his head.</p><p>He heard the soft sniffles, Sokka tearing up against the soft fur of Bato’s parka, and held him closer.</p><p>“I am,” Bato finally whispered. “But I know how to be sad. It’s my job to take care of you, not the other way around. You don't have to worry about me.”</p><p>Sokka nodded and pushed his face further into the parka, tears spilling over his cheeks.</p><p>“Can you stay with us now?” his little voice cracked, barely a whisper.</p><p>Bato sighed deeply and rubbed Sokka’s back.</p><p>The sun was setting. It was well beyond Sokka’s bedtime, and he shouldn’t be crying out in the cold.</p><p>Bato scooped Sokka into his arms and pulled the boy’s hood up, holding him tight as they made their way back to the village.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>~*~</p><p> </p><p>“You won’t understand, you’re not a father.”</p><p>Bato raised his chin and took in a short breath, clearing his throat. He thumbed the tattoo on his wrist and sighed the breath back out.</p><p>“You’re right,” he nodded, unbreaking in eye contact. “Sorry for interrupting.”</p>
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